Sunday, December 22, 2019

Bowl Games, Ranked Only by Name

There are just some things that are staples of the holiday season. Christmas carols being played everywhere you go. Houses lit up with lights. Shopping malls filled up with hurried people looking for a gift for that special someone. Random college football games scattered throughout the week.

That's right, the arrival of the holiday season also marks the arrival of bowl game season. Bowl games feel like novelties. There are currently 40 in total, and each one is unique in its own special way. Some have conference tie ins. Some have team tie-ins. Some are grand events, paired with parades and celebrations. Others are just excuses for a quick vacation. Yes, most of them are glorified exhibition games, and yes, the main purpose of them is to generate as much money as possible for the evil empire that is the NCAA, but if we look past that, we can appreciate the weirdness and wackiness of bowl season.


Image result for idaho potato bowl


One of the weirdest and wackiest things about bowl season are the bowl game names. The combination of the word "Bowl" with plants, foods, or other things, along with an obscure sponsor, can make for some silly-sounding names. There have been dozens and dozens of different bowl names throughout the century-plus history of college football, and some have had more staying power than others. Since I like to play games, let's play a quick round of "Which List is Real". I will give a list of words that were real bowl game monikers at some point or another. I will also give a list of bowl game names I just made up. It's up to you to discern which is which.

List A:

  • Galleryfurniture.com Bowl
  • Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl
  • Visit Florida Tangerine Bowl
  • Blockbuster Bowl
  • Papajohns.com Bowl
List B:
  • Salad Bowl
  • Gotham Bowl
  • Raisin Bowl
  • Aloha Bowl
  • Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl Presented by Bridgestone

Were you able to figure out which list of bowl games is real, and which is not. It's difficult, but there are some tell-tale signs... okay, I tricked you. All the names on the lists were names of real-life bowl games. But that just goes to show how ridiculous some of these names are. So ridiculous that fellow Head In The Gamer Troy Lehman and I decided to rank this year's bowl games solely based on name.



1. Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 3

Not only is it the Potato Bowl, it's the Idaho Potato Bowl. Not only is it the Idaho Potato Bowl, it's the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. Potatoes are such a versatile food. They're great baked, cooked, fried, sliced, diced, salted, or cheesed. But not sweet or mashed. 


Troy's Ranking: 1

If you look up perfect bowl name in some weirdly specific dictionary that exists, the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl is right next to it. Here's a couple of things that make me really like a bowl name: First is that the "base name" has something to do with the location without being the actual location. Second is a sponsor that actually makes sense for the game. Both are true with the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. 



2. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 1

Behold this wondrous bowl game name in all of its glory. Bad Boy Mowers? Best name for a bowl game sponsor. Gasparilla? I don't know what it is or means, but it sounds pretty dope. Put those together and that's a fine-lookin' bowl game name.


Troy's Ranking: 6

The name Gasparilla derives from pirate legend José Gaspar, who supposedly mostly resided in the Tampa Bay area. If you name something after a pirate, I'm likely to like it.



3. Celebration Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 4



Troy's Ranking: 4


Celebrate good times come on!



4. Rose Bowl Game Presented by Northwestern Mutual

Grant's Ranking: 9

You know it's a serious bowl game when it includes "Presented by". And "The Grandaddy of Them All" is a serious bowl game . However, there are better-sounding insurance companies for a bowl game to be presented by. Imagine the Rose Bowl Game Presented by Lemonade (which is apparently the name of a real insurance company).


Troy's Ranking: 3

The classic of all classic bowl games. The Rose Bowl is simple and elegant-sounding. Plus it's probably the most historic bowl game and never bows down to a sponsor, hence the phrasing "presented by". 



5. Walk-On's Independence Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 13

I have some questions here. To whom is "Walk-On" referring to? And what does it mean by "Walk-on's Independence". Are we celebrating this walk-on's independence? Is this walk-on fighting for his/her independence? I need answers.


Troy's Ranking: 2

Many a walk-on has laid down their lives in the great Independence War of 1987. This bowl game is in remembrance of them. 



6. Camellia Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 12

I initially didn't know what a camellia was. Turns out it's a pretty flower, which compelled me to move this bowl up in my rankings despite still not knowing for sure whether it's pronounced "camellia" or "camellia".


Troy's Ranking: 5

There's not anything too much to why this bowl is ranked so high. I think it just sounds nice and is a sort of interesting sounding word. Also, I looked up camellia and it's a very nice looking flower. 



7. TaxSlayer Gator Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 7

I just love that this bowl name features the words "Tax", "Slayer" and "Gator" consecutively. The only other place I would expect to see those words together is in a Florida newspaper article...

A Florida man was arrested Thursday afternoon at a local Wal-Mart. The man got visibly upset after an employee refused to take the sales tax off of his purchase. He claimed that, as a "Gator Slayer", he should be tax-exempt. After being asked to leave by the manager, he returned naked and carrying the head of an alligator in his hand. It was then that police were called. 


Troy's Ranking: 14

This is the bowl game featuring the greatest team in the state of Indiana (Notre Dame is its own city-state and does not show up on state maps). Less importantly, it sounds like the most possible Florida bowl game name.



8. Cheribundi Boca Raton Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 11

These are just three fun words to say (and "bowl", which is just okay). Apparently, Cheribundi is a tart cherry drink that claims to have "the highest antioxidant strength of any super fruit juice", so they have that going for them too. Also, Boca Raton is the hometown of pop superstar Ariana Grande.


Troy's Ranking: 11

This is just so fun sounding. I'm not sure what Cheribundi is but I'm just going to assume it's a small mammal native to Australia. Boca Raton is the bowl location that sounds the most like it is from Star Wars. By the way, my on the record opinion of The Rise of Skywalker is that it is a very good movie.



T-9. Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic

Grant's Ranking: 8

This name exudes confidence. Not only does it include a company that makes tires (which are necessary for driving) and a fabric that can be made into clothing (which is necessary for a lot of things), it also forgoes "Bowl" for the more elegant "Classic".


Troy's Ranking: 15

The sponsorship isn't overpowering the base name of the bowl game and Cotton is something that goes with the location of the game. Overall it's just a solid bowl name. 



T-9. Military Bowl Presented by Northrop Grumman

Grant's Ranking: 10

This may not be as serious as the Rose Bowl, but it's still a serious bowl game, as evidenced by the "Presented by". I have no idea who Northrop Grumman is, but kudos to him (or her) for supporting our troops.


Troy's Ranking: 13

I mean obviously, I'm going to support this bowl name. The sponsorship doesn't shadow the great base name of the Military Bowl. 



11. Allstate Sugar Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 17

I enjoy sugar. One might even say I am addicted to sugar. I like sugary foods and sugary drinks. The more sugar, the better. however, a bowl of sugar does not sound appetizing to me, especially one sponsored by an insurance company.


Troy's Ranking: 8

Again, I like it when the sponsor doesn't get in the way of the true bowl name, and "Sugar" goes well with a game played in the South. It's a classic name that doesn't try to be anything silly. 



T-12. Vrbo Citrus Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 19

Citrus is cool. My issue is with the first "word" in this name. It has three consonants back-to-back, and only one vowel. That is an uneven consonant-to-vowel ratio. On the other hand, it still sounds cool, and it apparently helps you find places to stay when going on vacation.


Troy's Ranking: 7

Unlike the Orange Bowl, this bowl decided to include all the fruits of the citrus because we gotta support our lemon and lime-loving friends. 



T-12. PlayStation Fiesta Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 16

This is a fine name for a bowl. But it pales in comparison to its predecessor. "Tostitos Fiesta Bowl" just fit so well. Nothing against PlayStation, but when I think "fiesta" (or "bowl", for that matter), I think "tortilla chips" long before I think "video game console". 


Troy's Ranking: 10

The name would've been higher back when it was the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl because tortilla chips go more hand and hand with a fiesta. On the other hand, I'm on team Sony, so as long as it's not the X-Box Bowl it'll stay high. 



T-14. Capital One Orange Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 18

Another fine bowl game name. Just fine. If we were judging bowl games based on trophies, this would be higher, but since this is solely based on the name. a fruit-flavored bowl sponsored by a credit card company is slightly above average.


Troy's Ranking: 9

I like how this bowl has had a consistent sponsor for a long time. To go along with it, if you think about the positive things associated with Florida - difficult I know - oranges are usually near the top.  



T-14. Chick-fil-a Peach Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 15

I've looked over Chick-fil-a's menu and I have not found any peaches. This is a case of two things that are good on their own not quite fitting when combined. That being said, I love chicken as much as I love sugar, so this is a top-15 bowl game name for me. 


Troy's Ranking: 12

I would like to correct Grant's misinformation. Chick-fil-a has had a peach milkshake on its menu. That being said, two things that get associated with Atlanta are the chicken restaurant and peaches. The combo makes for a good bowl name. 



16. Outback Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 14

The "Outback" here is obviously referring to Outback Steakhouse, but it also sounds like it could be a football game played in the middle of the desert by kangaroos. That image alone puts this name up this high, even if it's really just a bowl sponsored by a steakhouse.


Troy's Ranking: 17

Here's where I start to get into my personal philosophy about bowl names; if the bowl name is only a sponsor with nothing else, it's a bad name. That being said, the Outback Bowl is the best of the sponsor only names. 



17. Belk Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 6

Alliteration is always a good thing when it comes to bowl game names. Also, I like the simplicity here. Two words, two syllables. There is often beauty in simplicity. Another plus is the fact that this is the only bowl game I follow on Twitter.


Troy's Ranking: 26

Remember what I just said about sponsor only bowls? Well, that comes up again. Sure, Belk Bowl is fun to say, but for the love of all branding add in something else, otherwise once you inevitably change the sponsor no one will know what bowl you're talking about. 



18. Cheez-It Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 5

I'm all for bowl games named after snack foods. Give me the Cheeto Bowl, the Dorito Bowl, the Peanut-Butter Pretzel Bowl (which would be number one in my rankings), etc. Sure, it sounds kind of silly, but that's exactly what bowl season is.


Troy's Ranking: 29

This is a bad bowl name, I'm not going to sugar coat it. It's sponsor only, which is terrible, and it's a sponsor that makes it sound super cheesy, pun intended. Also, I'm a Ritz Bitz kind of guy. 



19. Valero Alamo Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 20

The Alamo Bowl is not quite as memorable as the actual Alamo. It's a solidly-named bowl, but I don't know how I feel about the back-to-back words ending in "o".


Troy's Ranking: 16

This is the bowl name you most need to remember. 



20. Tropical Smoothie Cafe Frisco Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 2

This sounds like some kind of fancy drink at Starbucks. But it sounds like a fancy drink I would definitely order. 


Troy's Ranking: 36

I haven't disagreed with Grant this much since hearing his terrible take on ice cream. This bowl game is five words long. It's a corny sponsor name that has nothing to do with Frisco, Texas. All around it's just terrible. 



T-21. AutoZone Liberty Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 23

As the well-know phrase from the Declaration of Independence reads, "Life, the Liberty Bowl, and the pursuit of auto parts". At least, I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. Anyway, I appreciate this bowl celebrating America's freedom, but I don't think there's anything free at AutoZone.


Troy's Ranking: 18

Give me Liberty Bowl or give me motor oil!



T-21. TicketSmarter Birmingham Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 21

This name gets points for alliteration, but loses points because the word(s) "TicketSmarter" is thrown in front. Luckily, the name still has some flow to it despite the inclusion of Ticketmaster's little brother.


Troy's Ranking: 20

I mean it's just whatever. Whoever decided on the company of TicketSmarter shouldn't be naming things, but the bowl name is far from the worst. 



23. Quick Lane Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 22

This is a nice, short, clean bowl game name. No, it's not flashy, and yes, it's sponsored by a place that changes oil, but the three one-syllable words add a succinctness to it.


Troy's Ranking: 22

I don't like sponsor only bowl names as previously established. It also reminds me that this used to be the Motor City Bowl, which is a phenomenal bowl name. 



T-24. Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 27

I like the name "Music City Bowl". It's a lot better than just calling it the "Memphis Bowl". But then they had to go and ruin it by putting "Franklin American Mortgage" in front. Now the bowl game name is too many syllables. Points for the little alliteration in the middle, though.


Troy's Ranking: 19

Music City Bowl is a very good name for a bowl. The problem is that Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl is such a long name that it probably won't fit on a standard tee-shirt. 



T-24. San Diego County Credit Union Holiday Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 25

Speaking of bowl game names with too many syllables, this Boxing Day bowl sponsored by a city's credit union is a classic. But despite being too long, it is based in San Diego (which I've heard is a beautiful city) and does include the word "Holiday", so it's not a horrible name.


Troy's Ranking: 21

Once again the name is just too long. The Holiday Bowl is a well known bowl name but the sponsor hurts a lot more than it helps. 



26. SoFi Hawai'i Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 24

If you like words doing things that words don't usually do, then this bowl is for you. The first word has a capital letter in the middle of it, and the second word has an apostrophe between two i's. If only they didn't pair a beautiful batch of islands with a loan refinancing company.


Troy's Ranking: 24

I honestly don't remember why I ranked this one so low. It kind of flows but is nothing special. 



27. SERVPRO First Responder Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 28

OH, SO YOU THINK YOU'RE MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU'RE IN ALL CAPS?? WELL, YOU'RE NOT!! However, first responders are incredibly important and I want to thank them for their service.


Troy's Ranking: 23

WHY IS THE SPONSOR YELLING AT ME?!? PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! I'M GETTING SCARED.



28. New Era Pinstripe Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 26

There is only so much excitement that can be had regarding a bowl named after a fabric design and a brand of hat. If a bowl chooses to go that route, I would rather see it be named something like "59Fifty Polka-Dot Bowl". But maybe that's just me. 


Troy's Ranking: 27

I mean I kind of like that everything has to do with it being in a baseball stadium, especially the Yankee stadium. At the same time, why are they playing a football game in Yankee Stadium? Why is NYCFC playing in Yankee Stadium? Could we please start only playing baseball in Yankee Stadium?



29. New Mexico Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 32

Not much to discuss here. It's a bowl game named for the state that it takes place in. So here are some fun facts about New Mexico:

  • New Mexico has the highest number of PhDs per capita of any state
  • Santa Fe, NM is the oldest capital city in the United States. It was established in 1610. It is also the highest capital in America, at 7,000 feet above sea level
  • There probably aren't aliens in New Mexico, but there might be buried treasure.


Troy's Ranking: 25

I mean it's just nothing special. I do kind of want to go to New Mexico though, it seems like a funky place to be, plus I could see some aliens. 



30. Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 30

I should have ranked this one higher. This is a weird bowl game name that makes me appreciate the unnecessarily large number of bowl game. But it also makes no sense. I do not believe a "tiger sun" is a thing, and I'm pretty sure Tony cannot claim ownership of the Sun.


Troy's Ranking: 28

Can we just not call it this? Could we all decide as a community to not call it the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl?



31. Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 29

This isn't even the best military-related bowl game. I do prefer the name "Armed Forces Bowl" to "Military Bowl", but instead of being "presented by" a guy with an interesting name, they just put the interesting name of a guy in front of the bowl name.


Troy's Ranking: 30

This is like when someone names their youngest kid something that's super close to the older kid, like if it's Molly and Milly. 



32. Makers Wanted Bahamas Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 31

With the right sponsor, the Bahamas Bowl has the potential to be a great bowl game name. This is not the right sponsor. This is literally an advertisement for an industrial park in Illinois, which sounds like the opposite of the Bahamas.


Troy's Ranking: 31

It's just not interesting. I mean you probably don't need a stellar sponsor to convince teams to come play in the Bahamas, but still. 



T-33. R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 34

I'd love to visit New Orleans some day. I've heard that it's a fun city. To create this bowl game name, they put a fun city with the name of a freight shipping company. I shouldn't have had to look that up, because "R+L Carriers" sounds exactly like the name of a freight shipping company.


Troy's Ranking: 32

I have no real rhyme or reason, this is just a bad sounding name. 



T-33. Mitsubishi Motors Las Vegas Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 33

Like New Orleans, Las Vegas is a fun city I'd love to visit. I equate the "City of Sin" with many things, but a Japanese car manufacturer is not one of those things. Even the alliteration can't save this name.


Troy's Ranking: 33

Call it the Sin City Bowl and all your problems are solved. 



35. FBC Mortgage Cure Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 35

I was wondering what the bowl was trying to cure (or if it was sponsored by the band "The Cure"), so I looked it up. It turns out that this bowl is named this way as a way to raise awareness for breast cancer, so kudos to them for that. As sweet as the sentiment is, however, it's a below-average name, especially with its new sponsor. 


Troy's Ranking: 34

Is this bowl trying to cure mortgages? I'm not really sure what that means but I guess we have to run in a 5K to raise money. 



36. NOVA Home Loans Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 37

This is literally a bowl game named after a mortgage company. Not just an existing bowl that's sponsored by a mortgage company (like the Cure Bowl), but a bowl game for a mortgage company. Because nothing says football like debt (well, maybe college football...).


Troy's Ranking: 35

This is both a sponsor only bowl and a bowl with a boring sponsor. That combo equals a bad name. 



37. LendingTree Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 36

Speaking of debt...


Troy's Ranking: 37

See the NOVA Home Loans Bowl. 



38. Redbox Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 38

I didn't know Redbox was still a thing. People still rent physical copies of movies? With the amount of streaming options popping up these days, they probably won't much longer. Redbox is an endangered species in my eyes.


Troy's Ranking: 38

Do people still use Redbox? You can find basically every movie known to man on some streaming service and if not you could probably rent it on Amazon for an extra dollar. 



39. Camping World Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 39

Wait, there is a game called the World Bowl, and it's sponsored by camping? Oh, it's just a bowl sponsored by a place called Camping World? That's disappointing. I would much rather have an international bowl sponsored by the act of camping. 


Troy's Ranking: 39

Sponsor-only so it's getting a thumbs down. 



40. Academy Sports + Outdoors Texas Bowl

Grant's Ranking: 40

Look, there are no bowl game names I truly hate. There are just some I think sound worse than others. This bowl has multiple components of a worse-sounding name, including being too long, being named after the state it takes place in, and being overshadowed by the name of the sponsor.


Troy's Ranking: 40

This is gross. It sounds so bad. Whoever decided to let this happen deserves to have a bad Tuesday.



Follow Troy on Twitter @T_RoyStory and Grant on Twitter @G_Tingley 




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